Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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