when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
