All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
