I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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