i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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