you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
