capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
