he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
