Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
