just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
