This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
