for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
