Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
