He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
