dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
