i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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