what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
