she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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