make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
