turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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