We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
