Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But theres a keg here and me gusta
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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