Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
