after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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