She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
