Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
