So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
