READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
