No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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