after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
