WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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