why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
