I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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