FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
