Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
