Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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