She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
