I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
