There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
