I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
