That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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