You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
