someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
