if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
