spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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