I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
