I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just had sex bonerless
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
