some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
