So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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