God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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